Awake My Soul

Teaching is about more things than I imagined while sitting in a classroom, filling out my TFA application, or sitting in an auditorium in Memphis, TN. 


Teaching is about character, community, strength. When it comes down to it, teaching is about soul. A universal soul, many young souls, the wise mentor’s souls.

I have learned a lot these last two weeks. One of the most important being the difference between “awake my soul” and “be still my soul.” Two completely different ideas, yet so interconnected. The difference between active and reflective leadership. It reminds me of an article that impacted me in a particularly significant way. It talks about solitude in leadership, two things that are often set as opposites in the scale of life. Leaders should be ever present, always ready to inspire and challenge others. Solitude is an individual and quiet activity. If there is one thing I have learned this week it is that leadership can not exist without solitude. For me, solitude isn't about having "me" time, although I think for it to be most productive it is best to be alone. It is about reflection. Reflection on yourself, what did I do well, where can I improve. Reflection on my students, what do they need in the classroom, how can I inspire them, what are their interests and strengths--and how can I run on that. Reflection on my partners, how can they fill in my weaknesses, how can I better serve their needs. Finally, reflection on my community, how does my community make this experience, what does my community need from me. Without this reflection, I would never improve as a leader or a teacher. After all, at Teach for America we believe in TAL (Teaching As Leadership).

I tell you this to forewarn you, because I promise you that you will meet these people and you will find yourself in environments where what is rewarded above all is conformity. --William Deresiewicz, Solitude in Leadership

This reflection, alongside this article has really helped me in my TFA experience. The longer I am at Teach For America I have realized certain things about the program. The one that I have been struggling with most is the idea of conformity here. We all are beginning to talk the same (lets "share out" on this, we really want to create an "authentic" environment, what is our culture, i'm going to "deep dive" in on that, lets "debrief"/"table" that), we all have "visions" and "BIG GOALS," and this body of people is created by specifically looking for leadership skills. I decided not to purse Capitol Hill, yet, because of the conformity there. So how is it that I may have found myself in a similar, yet masked, situation. 

We have a crisis of leadership in America because our overwhelming power and wealth, earned under earlier generations of leaders, made us complacent, and for too long we have been training leaders who only know how to keep the routine going. Who can answer questions, but don’t know how to ask them. Who can fulfill goals, but don’t know how to set them. Who think about how to get things done, but not whether they’re worth doing in the first place. What we have now are the greatest technocrats the world has ever seen, people who have been trained to be incredibly good at one specific thing, but who have no interest in anything beyond their area of exper­tise. What we don’t have are leaders. --William Deresiewicz, Solitude in Leadership

Despite the conformity in language that you see across the TFA corps, I am reminded and excited by the creativity that is not stifled in this. This is why I believe we ARE building leaders. This institute is created by 800 people that are not afraid to ask questions, and who will be the first to admit they might not know the answers. Let's be honest, I still feel like a hot mess when I am lesson planning. We are setting goals, and let me tell you we are setting BIG GOALS. Our goals involve 100% of our kids reaching their academic growth goals, we accept nothing but the highest expectations. And, we I believe that we think twice about everything we are teaching. We find away to make it relatable outside of the class, we tell our kids that we won't teach them anything they won't need later on in life. 

We are building leaders.  

It's a hard process...but it is a beautiful one. 

The transformation is quite obvious, and I will share a few experiences. 

1. One of our kids, we will call him Timon (as in Timon and Pumba), is awesome. He is also incredibly challenging. He is stuck in a place of wanting to prove himself to the class (socially), yet also (I believe) truly wanting to learn and grow. We are constantly seeing a switch between a "I was sent to jail and I love guns" to a "let me be the first to answer the question" mentality. When you engage with him, he tries really hard, but he struggles to keep that focus on his own. My partner, David, took him outside of the classroom. He found out that Timon is supposed to be wearing glasses, but he said they were broken. When David said he would call his mom and try to figure out a way to get the glasses fixed, Timon admitted that he didn't wear them because he was afraid the kids would make fun of him. That night David went to Walmart and bought a pair of fake glasses. He wore them all day. The kids immediately noticed, and he told him that glasses were cool when they asked. Then he said to raise their hands if they were supposed to be wearing glasses. A number of kids raised their hands. This raised another question for me--how many of my amazing students are missing out on health care benefits and therefore truly not "seeing" all there is to see. This isn't only a story of missed educational opportunity, but it goes much bigger than that. 

2. Carver, Carver, Carver. This is the school that is the place to be. I have never seen such community in one place, with people that came in as complete strangers. We have a symbol and more school pride than any school in Mississippi. We are also the second lowest performing school in MS, but you would never know. The teachers teach like we have been doing it for years. The excitement is being pushed the entire day. The staff treats us like we are family, and our mentors could not support us more if they tried. Each person in that school has pushed me to a better person, and asked me to push them. It honestly makes me wish that we could stay at Carver, as a community, and make miracles happen. When you get that kind of an energy in a school, it is impossible for the kids to be bitter or angry about summer school. I even had a kid, actually Timon, ask to take EXTRA work home so he could improve. When I am at Carver, I start to feel deprived of my school experience. Yes, I went to great schools. But, teachers didn't often invest in me the way that Carver teachers are investing in their children--and we only get them for four weeks. Instilling goals and beliefs in children is so critical, yet it isn't really done often. It was my parents who pushed me to believe in myself.  One example, we filled out "goals" and "promises" notecards. Their responses ranged from "me the president," to "get a PH.D. and go to culinary school," to "NASA." Telling these kids they can do ANYTHING, then showing them the path there, really does change their life trajectory. They ask us questions about college, what it is like to be away from your family, and all sorts of things. They are ready, they will be the class of 2024, and then maybe TFA corps of 2024. 

I will give you classroom/carver/teaching specifics later in the week. But for now, I thought it was necessary to reflect. To give you a big picture of the big problems, big challenges, big hopes and big dreams found in the Delta. 

I am truly blessed.