This was a reflection written after a March held in Memphis that I attended with my students. It             was not originally intended for the blogosphere, but hey why not. 

I have watched, read, and listened to many reactions about the Trayvon Martin case verdict, alongside the majority of America. In past cases similar to this I paid attention, and I joined in awareness movements at times. Now, with 140 black students who I literally refer to as “my kids” this particular case meant something more to me. Two things in particular stood out to me through the lens of this case. The first is the lack of community and our fear of “other.” The second is the desperate need for empowerment in today’s youth.

Trayvon Martin’s description could have been that of any number of my students. I was especially riled up about the use of the way he broadcasted himself on social media to knock down his character. I have seen the things my students post online, as teenagers they try to portray themselves in a way that makes them seem cool or rebellious. They use their Internet tongue to lash out and rant about the things they are facing. The difference here is that I know my students for who they are, despite how they may describe themselves on internet I have felt my kids love, loyalty, and respect every single day. You can brand or profile anyone to any stereotype if you are looking for the signs. We choose to see what we want to see. This hurts us when we take the easy way out instead of crossing the artificial “boundaries” society has created for us. I remember when I first moved to Memphis the pastor at my multi-ethnic church asked, “who is it that is sitting at your dinner table.” I realized at that moment just how homogenous my life had been especially in terms of race. As I see people post things on social media one thing is apparent to me, we do not know each other. The boundaries that existed by law so many years ago, still survive and we perpetuate them with our fear of the unknown. Our conversations about race are not always honest, and as a nation we do not always strive to create community. So at this point I ask, who is at your dinner table?

My eyes filled with tears as I watched my two students’ arms interlocked leading the chant, “What do we want—JUSTICE! When do we want it? NOW!” It was Kyla that texted me telling me she couldn’t find anyone to go to this rally with her, it was really important to her…might I be free to take her to it? I jumped at the opportunity.  As a teacher you see and hear the many ways students are told no repeatedly. As a high school teacher, my students were often beaten down by the system for more than a decade. Filled with doubt after society had told them no so many times, it took a lot of time and patience to get my students to start saying yes, to start believing in themselves. I was marching to show solidarity with my students, but I knew that they were marching because they know many Trayvons. As they shouted “I am Trayvon Martin, Trayvon Martin is me,” I am certain that faces of late friends and family ran through their minds. Here is the great thing about the march, it gave them the opportunity to see that they are not alone in their grief, frustration, and confusion. It also demonstrated that this should not be the status quo, not simply accepted. I spent 180 days in the classroom trying to tell my students that their voices matter. When I saw the words, “Erielle and I were heard today,” on my students Instagram with a picture from the rally, I knew that this was bigger than one court case. This was about the silencing of a generation. A generation with big hopes and dreams, yet a fear of being knocked down or rejected. America needs it’s youth, ALL of the youth, for success. This march showed me that our youth need more than just the basics, they need to be empowered. I was always overjoyed when a student worked hard to get mastery on a test, but there is something about seeing your students recognize the power of their own voices, for change, for good, that made me prouder than I have ever been. 

In the fall my church gathered to do a prayer walk through downtown Memphis. One of the reasons that I felt called to this church was because of activities like this. They do not just say they love Memphis and have a heart for the city, they live it out every day. We took a route where we passed many abandoned buildings, the library, some corporate offices, and walked along the riverside. We stopped at a park along the riverside and prayed for the homeless men and women that had taken refuge there.

Now, you should know that I often feel uncomfortable praying in front of people—it is something I am working on. But, as we entered the park the first thing I noticed was the name: “Confederate Park.” I was shocked that a park in the middle of the city, would bear such a hateful and violent name. The name of the park celebrated the very divisions that so many people are trying to work against every day in Memphis. So, I asked if I could pray at the park—and did so.

Now, that I am home for Easter weekend I have had time to do some research about something that has been in the back of my mind for a few weeks now. The Ku Klux Klan is planning “the largest rally in the history of Memphis,” this Saturday. Upon my research, I found out that the re-naming of three parks is what prompted them to hold the rally. One of these parks is Confederate Park.

A lot of my students have asked me about the event—for them this rally demonstrates something very different than a group of people upset about the re-naming of a few parks. This rally represents violence, segregation, hatred, and racism. I often tell people that I never realized how segregated my life was until I moved to Memphis, I had never seen racism so clearly until my students opened my eyes to it. A lot of people in Memphis are working hard to change these things, but this rally brings back to life all of these issues. I am proud of my city for organizing a Heart of Memphis rally—to show that the power of love in Memphis is stronger than the power of violence. But, like so many events—I am scared that not enough will be done quick enough.

Often events that cause heartbreak and challenge by bringing up deep-rooted issues in our world, create almost a “fad.” People speak out, they show their support, they are activists for a short time—and then they move on. I hope that this rally can provide more than that.

I recently watched this video, talking about race--our hesitations especially as a white person to approach the subject. This is something I have struggled with recently. About 98% of my students are black, they quickly informed me that I should stop using the phrase African American, “that is so white Ms. C.” I go to a multiethnic church. But who am I “doing life” with? The people that are in my closest circle, until very recently, have always looked like me. How can we talk about race, when we are not actively doing anything about it in our own lives.

I think these events happening over Easter weekend is especially powerful. The rallys will be happening in between Jesus Christ’s death and his resurrection. A time of waiting, a time of anticipation.

I would argue that we cannot afford to wait any longer; the anticipation of change is not enough. It is time that we start taking action to wrestle with these issues, even when it is challenging. How do we move towards ONE city, instead of a city with so many divisions, North Memphis, East Memphis, Midtown, Germantown, Downtown, Mud Island. Memphis is broken in a lot of ways, and a lot of people are fighting to bring life back to the city—but it will not truly heal until we do so as ONE people, ONE city. We cannot function as ONE city until we start to accept (not just tolerate) one another, and love one another. 

Let me tell you about a student of mine. He told me he didn’t want to go to college, he was the first student who made me tear up and question my purpose in the classroom, he has a smile that warms your heart and more attitude than my pinky finger. He told me he would never be on the “mastery board,” “I already failed Algebra II once, I am going to fail again.” The way he shrieks my name down the hallway used to give me shivers, but now it makes everything seem right.

Today while I was taking him home after he stayed late for tutoring I told him—I could write a book about you, and his response was, "as long as I get all the copy rights."

Last time I took this student home I told him, “you know you were the one student who was the biggest pain for me at the beginning of the year, I asked every single teacher what to do with you because you drove me crazy.” He sheepishly turned to me and said, “and now….,” with a grin. I said, “you still drive me crazy, but you make me proud.”

About two weeks ago he came prancing down the hallway holding an envelope.

Wait—lets backtrack. It is August, and I had all of my students take the math section of  the EOC. The purpose here was two-fold. I wanted them to see their growth, and I needed to know what they understood and where they struggled. When I say this student threw an all out riot about taking the ACT, that might be an understatement. He ended it by bluntly telling me he was not going to college so he did not need to take the test. I felt defeated, and in my first six weeks of teaching I could not fight him on it.

Okay, back to the envelope.

“Ms. Clayton….guess what I have.”

“You’re clear across the hallway, you think I can see that far?”

“A college acceptance letter!”

This would be the point in the story where I literally started screaming and jumping up and down in the middle of the hallway.

“Now, if I knew you were going to do that, I would never have told you.”

I gave him a huge hug, and told him just how proud I was of him. From refusing to take the ACT and telling me he would never pass. To staying after school for tutoring, making the “Mastery Board” more than once, AND getting accepted to college.

I made him pose with his letter while I snapped a quick picture, “Quick! Ms. Clayton! Before anyone sees!” He said urgently—he tried to hide it in his words, but it was easy to see in his wide-grin that he was proud of himself too.

That college ACCEPTANCE letter, and the others that have followed for him, is more than just an entry to college.

That word. Acceptance. That is big for this student, and a lot of my kids.

In this often tit-for-tat culture it is all about protecting your own, keeping your pride—but baby-college is bigger than that.

I can tell my kids every single day that I believe in them. I think this student needed someone to tell him that, and really believe it for him to start to believe in his own abilities. But, the fact that somebody who doesn’t even know them is ACCEPTING THEM they are WANTED, that is it.

For students who are constantly shut out, kicked out, pushed out. They change guardians, change schools, change friends. TO BE ACCEPTED, for who they are, who they have worked to become, that is GREAT.

Today, I got to meet his grandfather. On the drive over, he told me none of his siblings had gone to college, I thought how incredible that he has been able to find intrinsic motivation to create a life for himself. When he saw his grandfather in the driveway and he said, “do you want to meet him?” I jumped at the opportunity.

To shake this man’s hand, and tell him just exactly how wonderful his grandson is—and how much he has to be proud of, and then see a huge smile spread across his face—now that was awesome.

As a teacher it is my job to shape my students in a way that makes them, “college ready” when they leave my classroom.

There are a lot of muddy waters when you first start teaching, how do you discipline? How long should I make my assessments? When should I call a parent? How do I define my role in a student’s life? These are all things that require trial-and-error.  A lot of “rules” about teaching change depending on who the student is.

The one phrase that I have struggled with the most, since August of 2012 is “college ready.”

When I applied to Teach for America, I knew my job would be hard. I knew that my students would be behind, and I knew that I was going to have to work my tail off. I liked the challenge.

I really wanted to fight for education reform, and I thought the best way to learn what needs to be done was to get on your hands and knees in the classroom. I knew that education was not equal across the United States, I had experienced it to an extent first hand in elementary school. At first, college ready meant academically ready. It meant do you have the GPA? Do you have the ACT score?

After my time in the classroom I have realized that the definition of college ready has to be broadened. Right now, I have students who get the GPA, and with work they are going to get the ACT score necessary to gain admission and scholarships. What breaks my heart is that when they get to college, they may not be ready. This education is simply not preparing kids for the future beyond academics.

College ready needs to include note-taking skills. Most teachers that I know in this area, give their kids guided notes. The students follow along, fill in the blanks, and take abbreviated notes but the structure of the notes is pre-created by the teacher. In college not only are you solely responsible for taking notes, you do it outside of class—on your own. Class is used to process the information, not necessarily learn it.

College ready needs to include organization. No college professor is going to give you a list of supplies, and check your binder weekly. If you show up without a pencil and paper, your professor will not take the time to give you the supplies.  It is your job to be prepared.

College ready needs to include communication skills. How do I talk to an admission counselor? What is the proper attire to communicate my goals to those I am presenting myself to? How do I speak with a professor?

College ready needs to include conflict management skills. So many times, I see students acting out of rage, anger, or sadness. They have not seen proper conflict management modeled. In college, many of these acts will not be tolerated inside or outside the classroom. Students need to learn proper ways to talk about and resolve conflict.

Finally, the biggest gap I see is in the language about college. I have students who are college ready in the ways listed above. Yet, they are attempting to fill out their own FAFSA, and are completely lost. They don’t understand what the difference between a scholarship, grant, and loan are. The language that has been created around college in a way builds a wall between a low-income or first-generation student and their goals.

I do not believe schools are doing a very good job of creating students who are college ready in low-income areas. They push the test, as an Algebra II teacher our End-of-Course test is extremely important for my school. Funding and reputations depend on this test. But this focus on the test makes it difficult to focus on things that will truly change the life trajectory of students. I really fought giving my students guided notes for the first semester—and finally I gave in, it was just taking too much instructional time in the classroom. I remember telling an administrator at the school how upset I was about making the transition, and her response was “it’s about time.” We have counselors at the school and a graduation coach, but a lot of the complexities of college like navigating finances and FAFSA are left to the individual and their family—when these are the very things they need help with most.

I love my students, and I love watching them learn—but our education system needs to learn that this system is about more than test scores—its about character development and creating a bridge to students goals. When college is an option, and a student cannot navigate through the complex obstacles after admission, we are still failing America’s youth.

If you want to read more this article does an excellent job highlighting some of the same issues:  http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/02/the-arcane-rules-that-keep-low-income-kids-out-of-college/273440/

I know I haven’t updated this blog since institute during the summer—but one of my resolutions was to write/reflect more—and today I am feeling particularly inspired.

I could give you a broad update about the last 6 months—but that would take too much time. Plus, it wouldn’t be relevant to where I am at right now.

So I just want to break down a couple of things that happened today that were inspiring to me as a teacher.

At my school, core subjects are pushed—HARD. Math and reading, math and reading, math and reading. Especially Algebra II, because last year we had zero kids who scored proficient or advanced. So elective classes tend to be my students get-a-way classes. Also, students cheer when they have a sub, because it usually means they aren’t going to have to work as hard.

So today—when I had four students who came to me during their elective classes/classes where they have a sub—in order to work on math during my planning period, I was so taken aback. One student needed to make-up a test because she had been absent (and she scored at a mastery level—YES!).

One of my girls was getting frustrated first period, because she was struggling with inverses. I could tell she was shutting down, as a lot of my kids do when they THINK things are getting too hard for them. As the class was dismissed I pulled her aside and told her not to get discouraged, I told her she was being hard on herself, which is a good thing—it means you have high expectations—but don’t let it bring you down. She said she would see me during my planning period for extra practice. There she was—waiting at the door when I came back from my car. We practiced inverse equations for 55 minutes straight—I think she had four pages full of practice problems, this girl was determined to get it right. I could not be more proud.

Another student, came to me in the middle of second quarter. At my school there is a lot of transiency. I probably get a new student every week. They usually come from another school in Memphis—but not every Algebra II classroom is on the same long-term plan, so I never know what they have learned prior to stepping foot in my classroom. As we were going through our lesson today, I heard her say out loud to her friend, I have no idea how we are doing this (students had to factor before simplifying the problem). As students were practicing later in the period, I told her to come see me during my planning or after school so I could remediate factorization with her. Her friend then said that she would teach her, so I thought I might not see her. Soon after 6^th period started, she came in my classroom, sat down and got to work. I showed her how to factor, and she kept on asking for more problems to practice. She caught on so quickly, and was determined to get it right.

One of my sophomore boys in Algebra II also came straight to me at 6^th period. Most of my students are Juniors, but I have a few sophomores in each class. Sometimes I really worry about my sophomores, because Algebra II is the highest math we have at my school. My students DESERVE to have the chance to take pre-calculus and calculus—but there just aren’t enough students who would qualify in order to fill quota and require the hiring of another teacher/time allotment in the day for a teacher they already have. ANYWAYS—he is super smart, super driven, and blew his ACT diagnostic out of the water, comparatively to the rest of the school. The school average is about a 14. He realized when taking the ACT diagnostic/practice tests that he didn’t remember some Geometry skills (sin/cos/tan—special right triangles). He knew that to bump his score up even higher, he was going to need those things. So, during a period where he could have been taking a mind break, he came and drilled himself on trigonometric ratios. Seeing a student who is already ahead, actively pushing himself even harder is one of the most inspiring things.

Needless to say, my kids are seriously GREAT. I love that I get the chance to see them self-motivated and truly starting to believe in themselves.

I’ve said it before, but I don’t think students realize just how much their actions impact a teacher’s day and overall life outlook.  

Together these three students truly demonstrate what it looks like to keep your pride while going back to build a foundation, stay determined throughout present struggles, and hold yourself to high expectations for the future.