Teaching is about more things than I imagined while sitting in a classroom, filling out my TFA application, or sitting in an auditorium in Memphis, TN. 


Teaching is about character, community, strength. When it comes down to it, teaching is about soul. A universal soul, many young souls, the wise mentor’s souls.

I have learned a lot these last two weeks. One of the most important being the difference between “awake my soul” and “be still my soul.” Two completely different ideas, yet so interconnected. The difference between active and reflective leadership. It reminds me of an article that impacted me in a particularly significant way. It talks about solitude in leadership, two things that are often set as opposites in the scale of life. Leaders should be ever present, always ready to inspire and challenge others. Solitude is an individual and quiet activity. If there is one thing I have learned this week it is that leadership can not exist without solitude. For me, solitude isn't about having "me" time, although I think for it to be most productive it is best to be alone. It is about reflection. Reflection on yourself, what did I do well, where can I improve. Reflection on my students, what do they need in the classroom, how can I inspire them, what are their interests and strengths--and how can I run on that. Reflection on my partners, how can they fill in my weaknesses, how can I better serve their needs. Finally, reflection on my community, how does my community make this experience, what does my community need from me. Without this reflection, I would never improve as a leader or a teacher. After all, at Teach for America we believe in TAL (Teaching As Leadership).

I tell you this to forewarn you, because I promise you that you will meet these people and you will find yourself in environments where what is rewarded above all is conformity. --William Deresiewicz, Solitude in Leadership

This reflection, alongside this article has really helped me in my TFA experience. The longer I am at Teach For America I have realized certain things about the program. The one that I have been struggling with most is the idea of conformity here. We all are beginning to talk the same (lets "share out" on this, we really want to create an "authentic" environment, what is our culture, i'm going to "deep dive" in on that, lets "debrief"/"table" that), we all have "visions" and "BIG GOALS," and this body of people is created by specifically looking for leadership skills. I decided not to purse Capitol Hill, yet, because of the conformity there. So how is it that I may have found myself in a similar, yet masked, situation. 

We have a crisis of leadership in America because our overwhelming power and wealth, earned under earlier generations of leaders, made us complacent, and for too long we have been training leaders who only know how to keep the routine going. Who can answer questions, but don’t know how to ask them. Who can fulfill goals, but don’t know how to set them. Who think about how to get things done, but not whether they’re worth doing in the first place. What we have now are the greatest technocrats the world has ever seen, people who have been trained to be incredibly good at one specific thing, but who have no interest in anything beyond their area of exper­tise. What we don’t have are leaders. --William Deresiewicz, Solitude in Leadership

Despite the conformity in language that you see across the TFA corps, I am reminded and excited by the creativity that is not stifled in this. This is why I believe we ARE building leaders. This institute is created by 800 people that are not afraid to ask questions, and who will be the first to admit they might not know the answers. Let's be honest, I still feel like a hot mess when I am lesson planning. We are setting goals, and let me tell you we are setting BIG GOALS. Our goals involve 100% of our kids reaching their academic growth goals, we accept nothing but the highest expectations. And, we I believe that we think twice about everything we are teaching. We find away to make it relatable outside of the class, we tell our kids that we won't teach them anything they won't need later on in life. 

We are building leaders.  

It's a hard process...but it is a beautiful one. 

The transformation is quite obvious, and I will share a few experiences. 

1. One of our kids, we will call him Timon (as in Timon and Pumba), is awesome. He is also incredibly challenging. He is stuck in a place of wanting to prove himself to the class (socially), yet also (I believe) truly wanting to learn and grow. We are constantly seeing a switch between a "I was sent to jail and I love guns" to a "let me be the first to answer the question" mentality. When you engage with him, he tries really hard, but he struggles to keep that focus on his own. My partner, David, took him outside of the classroom. He found out that Timon is supposed to be wearing glasses, but he said they were broken. When David said he would call his mom and try to figure out a way to get the glasses fixed, Timon admitted that he didn't wear them because he was afraid the kids would make fun of him. That night David went to Walmart and bought a pair of fake glasses. He wore them all day. The kids immediately noticed, and he told him that glasses were cool when they asked. Then he said to raise their hands if they were supposed to be wearing glasses. A number of kids raised their hands. This raised another question for me--how many of my amazing students are missing out on health care benefits and therefore truly not "seeing" all there is to see. This isn't only a story of missed educational opportunity, but it goes much bigger than that. 

2. Carver, Carver, Carver. This is the school that is the place to be. I have never seen such community in one place, with people that came in as complete strangers. We have a symbol and more school pride than any school in Mississippi. We are also the second lowest performing school in MS, but you would never know. The teachers teach like we have been doing it for years. The excitement is being pushed the entire day. The staff treats us like we are family, and our mentors could not support us more if they tried. Each person in that school has pushed me to a better person, and asked me to push them. It honestly makes me wish that we could stay at Carver, as a community, and make miracles happen. When you get that kind of an energy in a school, it is impossible for the kids to be bitter or angry about summer school. I even had a kid, actually Timon, ask to take EXTRA work home so he could improve. When I am at Carver, I start to feel deprived of my school experience. Yes, I went to great schools. But, teachers didn't often invest in me the way that Carver teachers are investing in their children--and we only get them for four weeks. Instilling goals and beliefs in children is so critical, yet it isn't really done often. It was my parents who pushed me to believe in myself.  One example, we filled out "goals" and "promises" notecards. Their responses ranged from "me the president," to "get a PH.D. and go to culinary school," to "NASA." Telling these kids they can do ANYTHING, then showing them the path there, really does change their life trajectory. They ask us questions about college, what it is like to be away from your family, and all sorts of things. They are ready, they will be the class of 2024, and then maybe TFA corps of 2024. 

I will give you classroom/carver/teaching specifics later in the week. But for now, I thought it was necessary to reflect. To give you a big picture of the big problems, big challenges, big hopes and big dreams found in the Delta. 

I am truly blessed. 

Tomorrow is the day! I will finally meet the ten scholars that will most likely change my life over the next five weeks.

I can’t wait to meet our “Class of 2025.” Ten students, at least, that have willingly signed up for summer school down in the Mississippi Delta, to work on their fourth grade skills before proceeding to the fifth grade.

I’m not going to be as bold as to say that we’re ready, but we’re probably about as close as we could be…luckily tomorrow we are only doing the DRA (Developmental Reading Assessment) with them. REAL teaching will start on Monday! The DRA is used to track where they are at in their reading comprehension and fluency. It allows us to teach on their instructional level, and also to see how far they need to come to be ready to go day one of fifth grade.

Because I wake up at 5am every morning, and I am incredibly exhausted—oh AND we have been thinking, processing, and reflecting on every second of our lives the last couple of days…I’m going to keep this post short and sweet.

I would say that I have very mixed emotions about tomorrow, and this summer at this point. I’m going to go ahead and flesh them out.

Fear. Truly, I’m terrified about this whole experience. If I had to pick out two things that really, really, scary me, it’s pretty easy. I think that I am really scared of letting these kids down. Carver Upper Elementary is the SECOND lowest performing school in the STATE of Mississippi. These kids are truly counting on us, as teachers, to turn around that trajectory. I don’t want to let down our scholars, because as much as I need to grow as an educator in the next five weeks—summer school is all about them. I want to be able to engage and push these students to the point where they see their goals as attainable. When they go to their fifth grade classroom, I want them to be on top of the class.

Nervous. I am incredibly nervous to administer the DRA test tomorrow. Not because of logistics, or because I might calculate the score wrong, because that test will tell me exactly where our scholars are at.

Frustrated. It really frustrates me to know that despite these students’ hard work, their parents’ involvement, and their will to succeed, these kids are SO behind. I know these kids are going to work harder than a lot of kids that I sat next to throughout my public schooling days, yet they aren’t afforded half the opportunity.

Team-y. Okay, I know that isn’t a word, but its as close as I could get. I have an INCREDIBLE team behind me and beside me. The TFA support staff that we have at the school couldn’t be better. They are extremely open to sharing their previous experiences and ready to be on standby for help at any time. It really helps that some of them were in our exact same place only a year ago. I also have a really wonderful partner, whom I will teach literature alongside. He has already been practicing exactly how he will “sneak” around the room while imitating Fantastic Mr. Fox, and has purchased a stopwatch.

Fired UP!. After watching countless videos of teachers in the classroom, hearing stories of individual students, the stories of previous corps members, and even getting a glimpse of the kids in our classroom—I am so FIRED UP! Every kid deserves it all from a teacher. At this point, I am mostly regretting leaving all my costumes at home. They really could have come in handy. I can’t wait to say “GOOD MORNING!” To the kids, to get to know their names, their personalities, their quirks, and to tell them that I believe in them. I can tell you exactly who the teachers were that made me believe in myself, and I think that it is incredibly important in education.

Growth. I know—that’s not really an emotion either. I remember looking back at my college career and thinking wow! I cant believe how far I have come. Well, its been ten days…and I can’t believe how far I have come. I think the place I have seen the most growth has been in management. Starting to grasp the idea of “tough-love.” Although, I probably won’t rely on this teaching “personality,” because we all know kids can see straight through something that is not genuine…I am working on learning and owning some of the skills needed. I often make excuses for others and myself but now I have adopted a “no excuses!” strategy for my own life and in my classroom.

I would like to end with a final quote—that helps me to understand why this whole experience seems so incredibly BIG to me—hard to grasp and process…

“I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.” –Dr. Haim Ginott

Here we go class of 2025.

I say “College…”

You say “for certain!”

Be Great Today.

Introduction

Be Great Today was my peer Marshall Matthew’s motto. He would send these three words to different friends he knew needed encouragement every day. These three words are incredibly powerful. Although it only directly mentions today, it indirectly refers to the past and the future. Being great today means you can leave the mistrials of the past behind, and that after a particularly difficult day, there is always a chance to be great the next day. I think this is particularly important because many children, especially in middle school, begin to experiment; their choices are not always the best. Focusing on being great today allows them to move past those decisions and towards brighter future. Being Great Today was Marshall’s motto, but in this classroom it is an attitude. Educational success does not depend on race, class, or economics—it depends on attitude. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t –you are right.” Adopting an attitude of greatness will lead to educational success.  Also, following Marshall’s lead, it is particularly important to encourage and inspire those around you to be great. Helping peers believe in themselves can be one of the greatest gifts.

Goal

My students will challenge themselves to “Be Great Today,” everyday, in and outside of the classroom. By embodying this goal, they will believe in their power to be great as well as encourage others to strive for greatness.

What is Greatness?

-Students will see themselves as an important part of a movement; that they are the ones that will influence the future. This takes place through activism in the classroom, at home, and in the community.

My Promise: Other than being energetic and influential in the classroom. I will become an active member of this community, and work to understand my students’ lives at home. I will engage with them about the topic of educational revolution, and encourage them to take part in it. I will show the students that they are important by paying attention to detail in the classroom, especially in their language, and teach them to be confident in what they say and do.

-Students will approach their studies seriously, realizing their individual genius, and push they will push beyond “good enough.” They will embrace difficulty, and understand that those are the times in which they learn the most.

My Promise: I will hold my students and myself to a standard that goes beyond “good enough.” Our classroom will not be compared to the one down the hall, or the Math classrooms at an Ivy League school. We will focus on being better than we were yesterday, everyday.

-Students will understand that mediocrity is not the path to success, and will set high expectations in the present for themselves and others. They will also realize that greatness is not eternal; it is a continuous goal, in which there is no culmination, a lifelong journey. In this, the students will set high expectations for the future.

My Promise: I will take the time to talk to my students about their goals and the future. I will work to apply the lessons to the goals of my students, and help them to see a realistic an attainable path to these goals. I will be proactive in engaging them in conversations about college, and applying the class lessons to that path to success.

- Outside of our classroom students will understand themselves to be ambassadors for our class and school; they will treat others with respect, going out of their way to reach out to all, even those they do not know.

My Promise: The community’s preconceived perception of our school and our students will be shaped by how we engage with the world outside of the walls of the classroom. I will actively stand up for my students’ excellence and their right for an equal education. I will also demonstrate the characteristics of respect in the way that I interact with both students and adults. I will teach them about random acts of kindness and the importance of paying it forward.

-

Memphis, is the place.

Wow. This week has taken me by whirlwind. The amount of inspiring people, positive energy, and wealth of knowledge that I have been surrounded by at Delta State University, helps me to more fully realize my purpose here. I have always believed in Teach for America’s goals, and I have been a strong supporter of education reform, but now more than ever I feel a part of something bigger.

One of the most striking things has been how HUGE the achievement gap is here. I knew it was a problem, but I didn’t realize the exact severity of it all.

            STATS:

                        NATIONALLY

                        80% of students from high-income families graduate from college

                        8% of students from low-income families graduate from college

                        MEMPHIS

                        4% of students leave Memphis City Schools college ready

                        20% of students leave Shelby County Schools college ready

                        < ¼ of residents in Memphis hold a bachelors degree

                        1 child dies before the age of one every 43 hours

85% of teen moms are making less than 15,000

These are just a few of the statistics that we have heard in our many presentations on the achievement gap and the current climate in Memphis. I won’t lie, I was very overwhelmed upon initially realizing the task before us in the classroom. If I am being completely honest, it is still terrifying. In my opinion one of the worst things you can do is let fear hold you down.

Let me tell you why MEMPHIS is the MOST exciting city to be in right now.

• $$$--There is a huge influx in money towards Memphis education right now—and with money comes increased attention! The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has been supporting education reform here, and Memphis also qualified as one of the Race to the Top Cities.
• Policy—The limit on charter schools has been lifted. Although, I believe there is no reason the energy and focus that is put into charters shouldn’t be replicated in the MCS, the charter schools are doing some really amazing things. The improvements they have seen on standardized test scores is truly unbelievable. Also, all of the policymakers that we have encountered thus far are SO on board. They are ready to tackle this problem, which is really inspiring.
• Community—There are certain places in Memphis, like any city, that have a reputation. Also, like most cities, these reputations are not necessarily true. Frayser is one of these places. I had the pleasure of getting to know some of the residents here by walking through the neighborhoods and chatting with the community. This was through an organization called Rangeline Community Development Center. This place is doing everything it can to support the community, and truly working towards educational reform outside the classroom. The people of Memphis working towards these goals have created a community unlike anywhere else. The number of partners that Teach for America has here, and all of the individuals who have taken time out of their days to tell us just how much they believe in our work and the kids are both a testament to the family here in Memphis.
• THE KIDS. I cannot tell you how many kids have knocked my socks off this week. Man, Memphis is a lucky place to have so much talent and energy. The first night a performance group from a local school came to our dinner. These kids had written their own raps and songs. It was unbelievable. The emotion, the poetry, and the passion they put into these pieces of art definitely made me feel inadequate (I’m glad I am not teaching English). Really, it made me ashamed to listen to the radio on the way home. These high school kids were able to create more beautiful lyrics about their challenges and struggles than anything I have ever heard on the radio. Also, two girls did a dramatic reading, playing out difficulties that teenage girls face around dating, social pressure, and pregnancy. This piece brought me to chills and tears at different points. The courage that these youth had was really amazing. Tonight, a group of around 15 Kindergarten and 1^st graders from Memphis Prep Academy came and performed for us. They did various chants that they do throughout they day at school, most with a focus on their end goal: college. I have never heard a kindergartner shouting so loudly about gaining knowledge to go to college, and I wouldn’t mind witnessing it every day. Seeing kids believe in themselves is powerful stuff.

So, this is in a nutshell why I am really, really, excited to be here.

Keywords that I have been thinking about a lot this last week but don’t have time/energy to delve into right now:

“time to put a stake in the ground,” VISION, be a steward, crucible moments, transformation from something’s about to happen to something IS happening, post-secondary success, enduring, cultivation, capacity, leadership, movement, revolution, more than good enough, pioneer, “make young women ungrateful,” respect and humility, INVEST, fuel your passion, no excuses, consistency. 

Oh, I am also making friends. I know you were all worried. AND, I seem to have a bit of difficulty driving once you throw me in a city that I am not familiar with--still working on this, alongside the patience of my teammates. 

I started a blog last summer when I went to Washington D.C., "pearls and politics," and I think I found the time for two entries. Reflecting on that experience, it all seems incredibly naive. Not only the blog name, but the purpose behind it as well. As I start my Teach for America journey, I have a new sense of purpose, and therefore I needed a new blog. This is no longer about politics and it is no longer about the infamous pearls that I wear, even when working out. This journey is much different. It is about people, and it is about transformation.

So, what purpose does deep gladness and deep hunger hold? Anyone who knows my friends, knows that we love food. At least eighty percent of our daily discussions happen around what we are eating for our next meal. We discussed out 5:30PM dinner plans at 11:40am, immediately after we finished lunch. Yet, this blog has nothing to do with enjoying a good meal, although it is not a promise that I will stay away from discussing food at some point. The title of this blog comes from a quote that was mentioned in my Leadership and Responsibility class in the Spring of 2012 at DePauw University.

"The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

I quickly scribbled the quote down in my notebook, starred it, highlighted it, and bolded it. I wanted to remember it, because I had finally heard a summary of what I thought my purpose was. I remember sophomore year of high school attending an ELCA National Lutheran Youth Conference in San Antonio, Texas. Although I had been a witness to hunger, poverty, and disparity my entire life, I had never owned the issues. I turned to my youth director and told her, "I'm going to solve world hunger." She smiled at me, but I could tell she was looking at me like I was nuts. Through my years of college I have become less naive. I no longer think that I can solve world hunger on my own, actually I have realized a different kind of hunger; one that I felt growing up in North Kansas City prior to our move across the river to Johnson County, Kansas. Education. This is a hunger that many children do not realize they have, although so many today are starving. The educational inequality that I was a part of in North Kansas City,  that I witnessed in the youth I worked with in Greencastle, Indiana, and that is sweeping this nation is unbelievable. Although the facts are astonishing, it is the ignorance surrounding it that is truly depressing. I believe that my calling, at least at this point in my life, is no longer satisfy the needs of those without food, but to work towards fulfilling the educational needs of those in this country. I believe that the crossroads between my gladness and the world's need for educational equality will create a rocky, beautiful, transformational, purposeful journey and calling. Which is why I have found myself in Memphis, Tennessee, headed to registration for Teach for America in 20 minutes.

As they say in TFA, "Now More Than Ever," it is time to create change.

Now More Than Ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr3Ijg0y6EI

Want to know why I was inspired to apply and accept my offer for Teach for America? Read and listent to these stories.

http://www.teachforamerica.org/now/